It’s Friday and my college Welcome Week is coming to a close. In addition I just concluded my first two college classes, and ended the day with a good teary breakdown.
The classes weren’t bad, but I am faced with the reality that it will much more difficult than high school. When lectures start next week I will have assignments daily. And the wifi in our dorm isn’t great, as a matter of fact, it isn’t even decent.
The issue isn’t that I am alone, or to be more precise, lonely. Sure, I wish I was sleeping in my own bed. I wish I was with my family. I wish I wasn’t three hours away.
The problem is my comparison to everyone else. I feel like people have already made their friend groups and now I’m not invited to join. Dorm walls aren’t very thick and I hear all this chatter going on around me. On the other hand, I have developed plenty of acquaintances.
Then there are a people with groups of five and six eating in the cafe. These people are likely upperclassmen and have developed relationships. I don’t know anyone, how am I suppose to walk up to that group and ask to sit? Of course, I don’t want to eat alone, but none of my acquaintances are there to join, so what am I suppose to do?
I mean I don’t have anyone to act stupid around or to be 100% myself with. And I’m not good at opening up in conversations. I fear that I’m not funny enough or intelligent enough. I can pick a topic to talk about, but I can’t make the conversation last.
I think it’s weird because they say that you meet all of these people that become your besties, but I really haven’t found anyone (yet).
My roommate doesn’t really need to search. She seems great, but lives about 15 minutes away, so she knows a ton of people and will probably be going home every weekend.
Also, in order to socialize I cut way back on a lot of things I primarily did in highschool (like YouTube). I used to pour my heart and soul into it and I spent all year editing for a couple of hours a day. I wish I could do that now, but I feel like every minute I take for myself I am sacrificing friendships.
Maybe that is where the miniature breakdown came from. What if the case isn’t that I am alone, but instead that I am not used to be around people as much?
To conclude, everyone I talked to said that you have a great time during Welcome Week, which is true. Although, no one ever explained how “out of wack” your life my feel.
So here’s to more insecurities and issues. What about you? How was your first week of classes? Or are you already done with weeks and have you found “that group?”